I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
