We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
