Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
