she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
