I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
