I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pants are for mortals
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