I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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