meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
