ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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