Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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