whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
