you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
