Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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