you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone came in the potted fern
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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