Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
