p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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