Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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