life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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