Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
