wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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