My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
