haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
its liver damage thursday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
