Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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