Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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