): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
