You smell like stripper and shame
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
