One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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