I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
