make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
