Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
