I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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