I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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