Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
