Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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