1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
