im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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