I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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