did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
