Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
