Kiss
Puke
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
