How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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