i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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