you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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