final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
