I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
