He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
