I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We're like a lot better than the average bears
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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