Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
