I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
