What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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