wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
