Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
