I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
