Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
