Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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