how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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