yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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