the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just forgot I was standing up.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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