maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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