They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
