we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
